Saturday, September 3, 2011

30 and still friendless

This happened to me a couple of days after my birthday:

*Tess inches her way closer to the cookies in bags on the couch
Jaime: Those aren't for you, Tess.
Tess: Not for me?
Jaime: No. They're for Daddy's friends.
Tess (not fooled for a minute): DADDY DON'T HAVE NO FRIENDS!

Apparently she is convinced of that and explained to Jaime yesterday that Tess has friends and mommy has friends, but daddy doesn't. Poor lonesome me.

And then to add insult to injury...after very loudly explaining to us that it was ludicrous that she not be allowed to have cookies based off of made up people, she cornered me when Jaime left the room. Then she looked me straight in the eyes with an intensity I've only seen in starving animals stalking what could be their last meal. And finally, in a hushed tone so Jaime couldn't hear, she calmly (yet in a very condescending manner) explained to me that she knew I didn't have any friends and would die friendless in a nursing home if I didn't give her those cookies!

I'd like to get inside her head at some point. When Jaime told her why she couldn't have the cookies, it really was like Jaime had just tried to pull one over on her. I imagine her thinking to herself: Okay morons. Nice try. Daddy's "friends" need cookies. Since when did we start feeding cookies to the Xbox and TV ?