Sunday, November 3, 2013

Goody Bag Grumbling

NaBloPoMo, Day 3:

We have a birthday in our family happening this week - Tessa turns 5 years old on Wednesday. Last year, we had a big birthday shindig at the park, complete with streamers and pinata and homemade cake; this year we are going more low-key; we will probably just take cupcakes (or healthy muffins, whatever is allowed) to school and playgroup afterwards and share with friends we were already going to see. Then we will have a family celebration at home.

Why no party this year? For one thing, party planning is a lot of work! We are still recovering from what will probably go down as the infamous pinata incident of 2012. (We homemade it with a giant balloon, because I am crazy, and it didn't really dry fast enough...it was nuts. It looked awesome though!!) For another thing, we don't want to set up expectations of an extravagant birthday bash every year. Both Josh and I remember having maybe one or two big birthday parties with friends invited while growing up. Now, yearly parties with friends seem to be the norm.

I have noticed that, at Tessa's school and at the preschools where I teach piano lessons, another phenomenon that seems to be the norm is bringing goody bags for all the kids in the class on the day of your child's birthday. Frankly I'm a little baffled by this phenomenon, and I suppose this is the part of the post where I reveal myself to be a cold-hearted enemy of fun and children's happiness. Because I hate goody bags.

Invariably, they are full of dollar store crap that is the bane of all parents' existence. Plastic whistles that don't work, cardboard keychains, flimsy toys that break immediately - all stuff that ends up going straight out of the goody bag and into the trash can. At least that's where it will go if you're having a good day and are on top of things. Because if it doesn't go there right away you will end up stepping on it 15,000 times before you get around to it (if you're me), and then after you finally toss it, you will cause your child to go into a state of loud, doleful mourning because of the emotional attachment she has supposedly formed with those tiny plastic toys she never gave a second's thought to before they hit the bottom of the can but are now suddenly her most prized possessions.

Do parents sitting at home assembling these things feel guilty about the bags of garbage they are gifting the other parents in the class? Not only is it a pain for the rest of us, but it is terrible for the environment. It enrages me that there are whole industries devoted to manufacturing and shipping and profiting from this junk that is filling up landfills and killing the planet.

I understand that the goody bag impulse is all part of wanting to share the celebration with all the other kids so no one feels left out, etc. I think that's great. Inclusiveness is a noble goal. And I understand that bringing cupcakes or other sugary treats to share is also problematic. So what's a parent to do?

I don't know. I am not opposed to goody bags in principle (I have also been on the recipient end of some thoughtful ones), just the ones that are full of junk. :) Maybe...fill your goody bags with actually good things? At least, things that will at least get some repeat uses? Here are a few ideas:
  • tiny play dough tubs
  • stickers
  • crayons
  • t-shirts
  • bubbles
  • granola bars
  • Ghirardelli chocolates (to give to Mom only)
If you can't afford actually good things in your goody bags, just don't give them out. Keeping up with Joneses is dumb and children don't need to have the expectation of getting things for every minor occasion. Maybe just give stickers - kids still love 'em and they are much more cost effective. Plus, no assembly = less work!  

I Googled goody bags just now and found this list of ideas from Real Simple: http://www.realsimple.com/holidays-entertaining/entertaining/party-bags-good-bags-favors-gifts-00100000107985/index.html  Some of them are too expensive for a cheapskate like me to consider. But there are some good ones in there! Those miracle fish things are awesome. Still plastic? Yes, but at least it does a neat sciencey trick that you can show your friends again and again.

I also found this NYT feature about goody bag insanity: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/03/01/fashion/gifts-to-young-party-guests-irk-some-parents.html?_r=0 All I have to say about this is, people are nuts.

Anyway, happy birthday this week, Tess! We will be doing our best on your special day to keep your sense of entitlement in check and not pollute the earth. We love you!

xoxo, your mean Mom and Dad

3 comments:

shelley said...

I am SO with you! In fact, I didn't give out birthday gift bags to my girls' preschool class, even though they were recipients of MANY throughout the year. No one seemed to care. Gift bags = ridiculous. Oh, and the worst part was that every time Jo and Millie got a gift bag, they'd come home and parade it in front of Hazel, who did not get one. I've still never seen her cry so much as she did over not getting a birthday gift bag. I resorted to confiscating them before anyone cried. Stupid.

Michael said...

Reminds me of a Mitch Hedberg joke (just substitute "flyer" with "goody bag"):

When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying "here, you throw this away."

Jami said...

Jimmy & Ned's B-Day are one day after the other so I enjoy having a party for them. I get two done on one day! I did get smart on the goody bags this year though. All the goodies were in the pinata! Once the pinata was busted, I handed out empty goody bags and let the kids go fill them with all the stuff that was on the floor.